Monday, December 28, 2015

A Forced Sabbath

I have heard people reference these seasons before. A broken limb, a medical condition, a big move, or in our case, financial constraints that can force a season of rest you wouldn't normally implement. As much as I have commented in the past about trying to pare down activities and being unable to, the truth is, that I haven't wanted to. Or rather, I didn't want to deal with the fallout and disappointment from my 4 curious students who have grown accustomed to signing up for whatever activity or club that they find intriguing. (Oh the beauty and tempations of this homeschool friendly town that we live in!)

But now, we are stuck. Stuck at the cottage that we so badly desired. Stuck on our property with snowy trails and frozen creeks. "Stuck like Chuck", to quote my husband. (Poor Chuck, whomever he is! Always stuck.)  At least that is how I was viewing it up until this past week. As I fought off anxiety and worry, and even the slippery slope of  returning depression, I viewed myself as being a stuck prisoner and victim.  But now, I am learning that there is a huge difference in perspective between "stuck" and "rest".

I can now say that I am so very thankful for this forced Sabbath rest. Now that I have made it through the weeping ballerina who has to take a semester off from classes, and the myriad of "Awwww"s that emanated from other disappointed children, I am embracing the beauty of this time ahead.  I am avidly reading and studying how to better simplify our homeschool for a more permanent structure. I am seeing where I am succeeding and hugely failing at discipling, as well as educating my children. I have been made aware of how poorly I was trying to accomplish so much through my own inadquate strength versus resting in God's sufficient hand. I am realizing how skewed my goals and priorities have become in so many areas. I am made aware again, that I am a mess and I need a Savior. Thank goodness Emmanuel came!

So as I view this glorious scene from the windows surrounding my desk, I gaze while feeling more hope and optimism about 2016  than I have felt in a very long time. Yes, we're still stuck. Yes, I still desire to fulfill my childrens' every longing and curiosity.  Yes, we're still only getting a few hours of sunlight each day. Yes, we're still staring at those orange walls that I was sure I would have painted by now.  However, I can now rest in the everlasting grace and be confident that Emmanuel is still God with ME! He has not left nor forsaken my family. I know without a doubt that the Sabbath is a gift; a time to re-prioritize, refresh, and rejoice in what I already have, as well as trusting Him for what lies ahead.

Happy New Year to You and Yours!
Hillary At Home

1 comment:

  1. Hillary, what a blessing perspective can be! My heart was humbled by your willingness to share your thoughts and feelings. Life is a roller coaster ride for sure, and not always the one we thought we stood in line for either! But I too have a testimony that the Savior can turn all lemons into gloriously refreshing blessing in our lives. You and your husband may be asked to walk through some challenging and unexpected trials, but there is no doubt in my mind that the Lord has you in the Palm of His hand, and will bless you for your faithfulness and patience as you wait for Him to unravel His plans and purposes for you. True success often doesn't look, taste, or even smell like we expected it to, but oh how sweet it is to understand that when we allow the Maker to mold us, we will be better than we could have ever imagined. Hugs to you!